Finding Out
by Allyson
Summary: Edmund finds out about Aslan's sacrifice and confronts Susan and Peter


**_Narnia_ – Finding Out.**

By Allyson.

_(Disclaimer – C.S.Lewis owns all of Narnia and J.M. Barrie owns Peter Pan – I just own a broken keyboard.)_

_(A/N – Happy Easter, Lorna!)_

The door slammed open, rebounding off the stone wall with a horrendous crack and a rattle of hinges. Susan and Peter had been sat on the balcony of Susan's state room watching a beautiful Narnian sunset when the sound spun them around, startled. Both Queen and King reached for weapons they belatedly remembered were not with them. When they saw their younger brother storm towards them in a furious rage, they exchanged worried looks.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edmund demanded, halting a foot away from his older siblings. His eyes radiated grief, anger and betrayal but his expression remained frighteningly blank. "You lied to me! Why didn't you tell me Aslan sacrificed his life for me?"

Both Susan and Peter looked like they had been gut punched. Their faces drained of colour and both felt physically sick. The moment they had been dreading, and praying would never happen, had arrived. The emotional despair radiating from her little brother caused Susan to shake, unable to form a coherent response. Peter stood, somewhat unsteadily.

"Who told you that, Ed?" he managed to croak passed a frozen throat.

Edmund flinched violently as his brother made a step towards him. "I was out walking with Lucy and the Beavers," Edmund replied. "We walked passed one of the dwarf caves and I overheard them talking about me – about the undeserving traitor of Narnia." Pacing the room in distress, Edmund grabbed a nearby cushion and started to clench and twist it in his hands. "I should have been told, Peter, I shouldn't have had to find out by accident."

"You're right," agreed Peter. "We should have told you, but –"

"Why didn't you stop Aslan, Susan?" demanded Edmund. "It shouldn't have happened. Why didn't you warn me?"

"You were recovering so well, we didn't want to upset you," Susan told him, trying to keep the threatening sobs out of her voice. "We knew you'd react like this."

When Edmund looked like he was about to hurl the cushion at the nearby dresser and all its fragile ornaments, Susan quickly rose to her feet and gently snatched the cushion from his grasp.

Seeing the frustrated helplessness in Peter's eyes, Susan told Edmund, "When Lucy and I followed Aslan to the Stone Table we didn't know what he was planning to do. I don't think we'd have been able to stop Aslan even if we had. When he was brought back to us, he explained that the Dark Magic would revive a willing victim who possessed no traitorous intentions who took the place of the accused. If the White Witch had had her way and killed you on the Stone Table, I don't think even Aslan or Lucy's cordial could have brought you back. You would have died, Edmund, and not being able to save you would have killed the rest of us."

"I didn't deserve to be saved," shouted Edmund, brokenly. "No wonder nobody trusts me. I'm an evil person, I should have been killed."

Unable to take anymore, Peter grabbed his brother by his shoulders and shook him roughly, tears in his eyes. "Don't ever let me hear you speak like that again. Of course you deserved to be saved. We love you."

Edmund tried to wrench out of Peter's grasp but his older brother refused to let go. "Of course you don't," muttered Edmund, refusing to look into Peter's eyes. "If I were you, I wouldn't."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ed," protested Susan, joining her brothers. "Of course we love you and Lucy does too. I know in the past it hasn't been obvious but it's still true. Your our brother, how could we not love you?"

Peter could see the indecision in Edmund's expression and felt his brother's shoulders slump in despair. The fight seemed to have left his body and Peter found that to be more frightening than when Edmund had stormed into the room.

"You've got to stop doubting yourself, Edmund," he told him in a firm but gentle tone. "We believe in you and Aslan believes in you. Why can't you see that?"

"I'm not magnificent like you, Peter. I can't lead armies into battles," Edmund sighed, rubbing his eyes violently. "I'm not valiant and naturally full of life like Lucy. I can't make people like me or be dependable in a crisis like Susan. I'm just . . . me."

"And we wouldn't change you for the world," smiled Susan, kindly.

"You're not 'just' you," replied Peter, with a crooked sincere smile. "Believe it or not, you actually help to keep me sane. Don't look at me like that. Just by being in the council meetings you help stop my fretting over tactics and strategy plans that I know I don't fully understand yet. You're always willing to help Susan and Lucy when we have guests. Edmund! You stopped the Witch from turning more victims into stone. We need you and so does Narnia."

"Edmund," smiled Susan, softly, seeing Edmund's startled expression. She reached over to hold his hand when it looked like he would try to pull away from Peter again. "I'm going to prove to you that we love you and that Aslan was right to save you."

Her younger brother narrowed his eyes at her in a mixture of suspicion and curiosity. "How?"

Susan pulled both of her brothers to sit on the small sofa next to the balcony doors, so that Edmund was effectively trapped between his older siblings. He sat stiffly, staring ahead, though both Susan and Peter could see his defences weakening. As much as he felt guilty and revolted at the thought of Aslan's sacrifice, Edmund desperately needed his siblings support and trust.

"You were probably too young to remember this," admitted Susan. "But when we were little and growing up in Finchley, both Peter and I used to fight about who got to play with you the most. You were always so much fun to be with and when Lucy was born she was just too young to join in."

Edmund glanced at both her and Peter in disbelief. "Really?"

"She's right, Edmund," Peter agreed, smiling in fond remembrance. "You weren't quite as sugar-high as Lucy was – is – but you always kept us on our toes. You loved playing catch with me and Dad. I used to insist when we all played football or cricket that you be on my side."

Edmund frowned and then allowed a small smile to break through his depressed expression. "I remember," Edmund murmured, almost distantly. "Whether we won or lost you would always say I was your lucky mascot and then let me play with the train set that Granddad bought you."

"That's right," Peter agreed.

"I bet you won't remember this," said Susan. "Lucy had just turned three but was suffering from a dose of the flu. Mum was spending all her time looking after her and I think you and Peter were helping Dad in the garden. I was stuck indoors, reading next to the fire. I can't remember now why I wasn't helping Mum or Dad but I do remember feeling incredibly left out." She glanced at Edmund to find him frowning in thought but listening attentively to her. "You and Peter looked like you were having so much fun . . . And then suddenly my little brother – you – came into the room and sat down next to me. You told me that I looked lonely and would I read to you for a while. It was more fun reading to you than reading by myself. I enjoyed it."

Peter suddenly grinned. "I remember that," he confessed. "Dad wanted me to make sure Ed was alright because he'd slipped away so quietly. I was so worried until I entered the front room and found you and Ed asleep by the fire. You booth looked so happy that even Mum didn't have the heart to wake you both until tea time. She said you looked so alike it would be a shame to split you up."

Susan blushed at this new found piece of information. Edmund, however, was still looking into the distance. Then, suddenly, his face lit up as he obviously remembered something he'd forgotten.

"You read _Peter Pan_ to me." Edmund looked at Susan who nodded. "I remember when Tinkerbell was dying and you asked if I believed in fairies, we both were clapping so hard our hands were bright red."

"That's right," agreed Susan, sharing a delighted look with Peter as Edmund leaned back on the sofa, relaxing a little. "After tea, you insisted that Peter had to play Captain Hook and that you were Peter Pan."

Edmund was surprised at the guilty expression on Peter's face. "We got a bit carried away with our play fighting and you tripped over the side table trying to catch me. You hit your head so hard on the sofa that you passed out for a moment. It terrified me; I thought I'd killed you."

"It terrified both of us," added Susan, her smile fading from her face. "You'd had knocks before but when you didn't wake up immediately, I honestly felt sick. We made sure to keep a closer eye on you after that."

"It was the same feeling after the Battle of Beruna when you nearly died," agreed Peter, paling at the memory. "Only a thousands time worse."

"But Aslan –"

"Aslan knew what he was doing," Susan interrupted, before her brother could become upset again. "He knew you were worth saving, he knew you'd make a great king and he knew we wouldn't stay in Narnia without you. If Aslan had any doubt in your trust and your love for us and Narnia then I don't believe he would have allowed you to enter Narnia."

"We've all got different qualities that help us rule Narnia," Peter told Edmund, reassuringly. "So you made a mistake – you're only human. You've been trying so hard to make up for it that I know Narnia accepts you. Susan and I made a mistake for not telling you about Aslan and we're truly sorry."

Susan slipped an arm around Edmund's shoulder and was relieved when he didn't pull away. "Dad used to say everything happens for a reason and you should never look back with regret," Susan reminded him. "I'm not saying you should forget Aslan's sacrifice but rather to accept it. It's a terrible thing to admit, but I for one am grateful that it was Aslan and not you on that Table, Edmund."

"We love you, Ed," Peter told him sincerely, as Susan and Peter hugged their brother. "And I'm sure Aslan would tell you the same thing if he was here."

When they broke apart, they were relieved to see Edmund now looking relaxed though his eyes still flickered with grief. The door to Susan's room was suddenly flung open again, this time revealing a panting Lucy.

"Edmund!" she cried out, in relief. "There you are! I was so worried!"

Edmund had the grace to look contrite. "I'm sorry for running away like that, Lu. It was wrong of me."

"Nonsense," dismissed Lucy, as she stood in front of the sofa. "I would have done the same. Are you alright?"

"I feel better now," Edmund replied, smiling shyly in thanks at Susan and Peter.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Lucy flung her arms around a startled Edmund's neck, crashing them both into Peter. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about Aslan. Please, don't be mad."

"Hey, its okay, Lu," reassured Edmund, when he realized Lucy was crying. He looked frantically at Peter for help. "I'm not mad anymore, I promise."

Peter pulled Lucy away from Edmund and onto his lap while Susan passed her a handkerchief.

"Don't worry, Lucy," smiled Susan. "We've told Edmund we're sorry and hopefully he's forgiven us?"

Edmund found himself on the receiving end of three anxious gazes. "Yes, I have," he agreed. "I just need some time to get used to the idea that someone thought that I was worth being sacrificed for."

"Don't start that again," teased Peter, ruffling his brother's hair and earning a smile from him. He turned a serious look towards Lucy. "Lucy, who were the mindless dwarves that you met?"

Lucy recognized the look in Peter's eyes. "No, Peter, you can't go after them," she said, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "The Beavers have already chewed them out. They were livid. Mrs Beaver, particularly, was ready to start a fight. She couldn't believe anyone would try to slander someone as lovely as Ed or go against Aslan."

Edmund's cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

"And she's right," agreed Susan, causing Edmund's cheeks to flame even hotter.

As the laughter died away, Peter looked at Edmund concerned. "You will be okay, won't you?"

Edmund allowed a genuine smile to grace his features. "I will, in time. Thanks to you and Susan."

The End.

_(A/N – I realize the endings pretty lame but I ran out of steam!)_


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